Those experiences related to the “twin”

You may have this experience: when you arrive in a strange city or join a new group, you feel alienated and out of place, and you especially want to blend into it. At this time, if someone approaches you, you will feel very relieved and comfortable. In one sigh… If you can’t feel accepted and integrated into the group for a long time, or even feel excluded, you will want to leave here. You will also feel that if there is a person, a group, or a city that makes you feel very belonging, it is a very happy thing. When you get some sense of accomplishment or have some insights when you do something, you especially want to share it with a person who “understands”. The person who “understands” must be you think he can identify with you and have had similar experiences People. We also found that some people care about friendship very much, and they are especially control and exclusive to their friends, but in the end the other party will stay away because of this, and they will fall into deep pain… These may be due to your need for the twin experience… …The most common experience of twins occurs in friendships and siblings. Sometimes it is also an important factor for many people to establish intimacy-emphasizing finding a partner who has the same interests and hobbies and can talk… Twin experience actually also Occurs in the parent-child interaction, which is the basis of the twin experience. Therefore, we need to have some knowledge and psychological understanding of the “twin experience” in order not to be bothered by our own needs. »Automatic psychology’s definition of “twin experience” Kohut is a psychologist who pays more attention to twin experience and has constructed a theory about it… He made the importance of twin experience more clear in his later life and named it ” Twinship (Twinship) self-object needs” (hereinafter referred to as “twin needs”), and emphasizes that in the formation and development of a person’s core self, twinship needs to have the same important position as mirrored needs and idealized needs, although it is later It appears in the latter two, but it is an independent pole (interested readers can understand the concept of the three-pole self proposed by Kohut, which will not be repeated in this article). In other words, the twin needs are essential human needs. Kohut describes twin needs as: “From birth to death, one needs to experience basic similarities… a sense of belonging and participation… These feelings come from a person who feels that he is a person in the human society to which the other person belongs. “Kohut also emphasized that “discovering oneself in others” is one of the hallmarks of twin experience. Moreover, the twin experience is a nonverbal communication and experience. Without verbal or cognitive confirmation, you can experience the similarities (or differences) between each other, and feel that they are being emotionally connected at this time, just like two music lovers The experience of sitting quietly and listening to music. In our experience of belonging, we often feel the presence of familiar fragrances, foods, sounds and body odors. So we often say “the right person, even if there is no words, you are comfortable with him…” Contemporary autopsychology has further developed the concept of twin needs. White and Weiner believe that the essence of twin empathy is The similarity of interests and talents, and the feeling of being understood by such people.” Basch defines twin needs as: “a sense of belonging and feeling in the group.” He clarified two inner needs-the need to feel the same as the group member, and the need to feel like a member of the group. The twin needs emerged later than the mirrored needs and idealized needs, but initially it also arises from the interaction with the family. The example of the early twin experience described by Kohut is the little boy next to his father in the bathroom, imitating his father to shave, and the little girl kneading dough with his mother in the kitchen…I also remember that when I was a child, I used to knit with my mother awkwardly with two needles. Sweater. This experience is very valuable, because in addition to feeling intimacy with their parents, children will also strengthen their gender identity in the twin/similarity experience with same-sex parents. After children go to kindergarten, they begin to develop friendships with their friends. Children seeking a sense of similarity with others outside of the family are very important for them to differentiate from their families, stabilize their identity, and form social identity. In autopsychology, twin needs are also called “confidential needs”, which also means that twin needs are a spectrum of changes, from a more fused twin experience to development