Harris often works late before returning home. For this reason, his wife Kath often feels very distressed. When receiving marriage mediation consultations, the therapist asked Kath, “When you express your dissatisfaction, you should take Recount your feelings, not accuse your husband aloud.” The therapist also suggested that Kasie should not say this; “You are too selfish and always work late until you come home, let me take the children alone.” Instead, you should say this: “Harris, you work late until you come home. I and the children are the only ones at home, which makes me feel lonely and a little overwhelmed.” The therapist also asked Harris to repeat Kath. And talk about his feelings about these words, and verify his opinion with Kathy to see if he is right (this means Harris is actively listening to Kaise). The therapist also asked Harris to confirm Keith’s feelings. Harris had to let Keith know that he thought these words were reasonable. Even if he disagreed with her, he would respect and sympathize with his wife. Harris may say: “I didn’t go home until late at work, and you must be very hard to bring your children at home.” At the same time, the therapist also asked Harris not to make any early judgments about Keith’s complaints. Don’t defend yourself. The words “I am listening to you” and “I understand your pain” are common terms for active listening. Forcing couples to look at their differences from the perspective of each other, and expecting them to resolve their problems without being angry. Whether the conflict between the couples comes from the length of the shopping list or from the major differences in life goals, this conflict resolution method is often used Recommended Use. Many times, this method is not only used as a panacea to solve marriage problems, but also as a tonic to prevent the deterioration of a happy marriage. In an ideal state, since marriage is a relationship that makes people feel safe, it seems much more meaningful to train couples to practice this unconditional understanding. If any party in the marriage relationship can understand the other’s point of view, then the conflict resolution method is certainly much easier to implement. From “The Art of Marriage” .