Psychology: meticulous love, no love, only anxiety

Author: Liuying Ya and when [former together, I’m fine with him for some time, I am learning every day at noon for an hour, I would go back, give him a good lunch, and then after the love back to class. I’ll go to lunch by myself after class. However, even though I treated him this way, he still cheated, and with four or five women. Since then, I have no sense of security in the subsequent romance. I hope to meet someone who is dedicated to me. In fact, the two people here have not established a relationship at all. No real intimacy is established. There is neither relationship nor love here. Not love, but anxiety, diligence, hard work. This is not love, but anxiety. The meticulousness in adult love is often out of anxiety. A person in an anxious state can’t love, can’t really see the other party’s appeal, and see the anxiety in his heart. Driven by anxiety and deprivation, do something desperately, trying to establish contact with each other. But in fact, no real connection can be established this way. In this state, the other party can’t get close to you and really walk into you. On the surface, you surround him, centered on the other person, and seem to be very close to him, and he is within reach, but in fact, your heart is far away from him. What separates you is anxiety and defense. The journey of finding oneself Before meeting oneself, love is just a journey of finding oneself. The person who gave selflessly was disappointed and treated him so well, but in exchange for his cheating, he was very scumbag, and it seemed right. However, you didn’t find it, and didn’t realize it. Maybe you didn’t know what he wanted at all. By the time he cheated, you don’t know yet. You neither know how to love him, nor what you want. In fact, meticulousness is your expression of certain demands in the relationship, but you don’t know what that demand is. But with such a hectic and even a little anxious love action to fill your relationship. Instead of filling your relationship with the two of you. Your behavior not only prevents yourself from expressing what you want, but also avoids walking into his heart and soul. What you think is good for whom, all kinds of sacrifices for love, are your up and down search in an anxious state. And this cannot allow you to establish a real connection, a real relationship with others, and it is difficult for others to truly walk into you. Before you have resolved your anxiety, insecurities, and lack, it is difficult to get a person who is dedicated to you, because you in this state simply cannot establish true contact with others. Can’t establish intimacy, and don’t realize what true love is. I am Liu Yingya, a psychological consultant. I use psychology to analyze love, marriage, family life and make intimate relationships a classroom for self-growth. Welcome to follow. Liu Yingya: Master of Psychology, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor. A researcher on the emotional family of both sexes in marriage and love, and a researcher on the growth of personal, physical and mental. More than ten years of psychology work, focusing on family relationships and personal growth. &nbsp.

Psychology: The journey of intimacy is the process of constantly meeting yourself

Author: Liu Yingya [man career small achievements. The man said to the woman, I have a stronger personality. If there is a quarrel, will you bow your head to me? 】The man is strong, or really strong, maybe it’s manipulating the relationship. Why is the temperament strong? Is this manipulation relationship supported by brain circuits? 1. Inner trauma If this man is really strong temperament, perhaps he has trauma in his heart. This staunch is the clamor of this trauma. But why does he show this sturdiness in an intimate relationship? Perhaps this close relationship is safer; he is looking to be seen, responded to, and comforted. But for a man with a small career, it is not because of his strong temperament that he has a small career. You don’t depend on a strong temperament to make a small career. I believe that he can manage emotions in the workplace. But why does he have a strong character in close relationships? Is it because of being too soft in the workplace? Is it too depressing? Then release in intimacy and treat intimacy as an emotional trash can? Or is he being himself in an intimate relationship? To show his dripping strength? This tough guy is not so much dealing with the person in the relationship as it is dealing with something in his heart. 2. Manipulating relationships are in addition to being tough due to psychological trauma. There is another situation where you want to manipulate the relationship. If you just want to control the relationship, the hard-hearted style is quite unwise. This kind of manipulation is to overwhelm the opponent and suppress the opponent through a high-pressure situation. So what can I get by doing this? Forcing your partner to submit, obey, and cooperate, what will you get? From the outside, you will get a submissive, obedient, and cooperative partner, but this obedience is based on suppressing the partner herself. This suppression will make her low energy, depressed, internally split or accumulate anger. She does not have a healthy and beautiful self, how can she establish and manage high-quality and energetic intimacy with you. So, after all, it affects yourself. This kind of manipulation will eventually lose the love of the lover and lose the relationship. In an intimate relationship, a strong style cannot achieve a true intimate relationship. Hardy, neither wanted to meet the other person’s heart, but also let the other person close the heart that wanted to meet you. The staunch style in an intimate relationship does not really want an intimate relationship, but also struggles with inner insecurity and lack of presence. Still struggling with inner illusions. Therefore, the journey of intimacy is a process of constantly meeting oneself. Intimacy is a magic mirror, no matter what, it can let you see more of yourself that you haven’t seen and meet yourself. I am Liu Yingya, a psychological consultant. I use psychology to analyze love, marriage, family life and make intimate relationships a classroom for self-growth. Welcome to follow. Liu Yingya: Master of Psychology, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor. A researcher on the emotional family of both sexes in marriage and love, and a researcher on the growth of personal, physical and mental. More than ten years of psychology work, focusing on family relationships and personal growth. &nbsp.

Not crossing the boundary is the foundation of a long-term relationship

01 Lost proportions is the biggest crisis of intimacy&nbsp. I saw a news some time ago:&nbsp. A girl in Jiangsu imitated Thailand’s “epidemic hairstyle” and shaved her boyfriend into the Mediterranean while she was asleep. &nbsp. Woke up her boyfriend’s mentality was broken and he didn’t dare to go to work, so he took two days off immediately. Since when did your boyfriend become a character who can play tricks at will? &nbsp. The girl did not consider the consequences at all, and shaved her boyfriend into the Mediterranean just for pranks. &nbsp. There are many similar spoof videos. &nbsp.For example, when a girlfriend washes her hair, she adds red liquid to the water to pretend to be blood, and candidly photographed her crying on the ground when she was scared. Or pin her girlfriend’s slippers at the door to the ground, and wait for her to fall down while wearing her shoes, and laugh happily beside her. &nbsp. When being held accountable, they answered almost unanimously: “I just made a joke, why can’t you make a joke?”&nbsp. Many people may not realize it. &nbsp.No matter how close the relationship is, you must keep a good sense. If you cross the limit, it is disrespectful. &nbsp. When intimacy is placed in an asymmetrical position, it becomes bullying in disguise. &nbsp.Don’t lose your sense of proportion just because you are close. &nbsp.02The boundary is the safety line of intimacy&nbsp. The sense of scale is the boundary between people. &nbsp. Any relationship has an insurmountable final boundary. &nbsp. Boundary is a kind of psychological defense. We use this to define how others treat ourselves is allowed and is the psychological limit we can accept. &nbsp. Once the border is invaded, you will feel uncomfortable and offended. &nbsp. In a previous variety show, Big S was scolded on hot searches for frequently complaining about her friend Aya: saying that she is not high-end, and that she is five to five in figure. As a fan of Takuya Kimura, Big S received a greeting video from his idol on the show, and was moved on the spot. Aya quietly listened to Big S telling the star-chasing story. &nbsp.When Aya talked about her idol Andy Lau, her painting style suddenly changed. &nbsp.Just as Aya spoke, Big S called her “shut up” and asked her to talk to the staff. Unexpectedly, after Aya walked away, Big S continued to make up the knife, “I don’t want to hear any of your voices.” He even complained in person: “Hua Tsai is very unlucky. He really doesn’t need someone like you to help him promote.” &nbsp. There has been more than one such suppression and derogation. &nbsp.Big S was crying because he missed the child, so he suddenly said: “If I am as inhumane as Aya.” It’s ugly, I want to turn off her wheat. &nbsp. Later, Big S explained on Weibo that her husband Wang Xiaofei also supported, “This is how they get along since childhood.” Some people say that this is just a joke among friends, and it is harmless. &nbsp. But to be honest, this way of getting along makes me uncomfortable. &nbsp. Friendship gives us the freedom to make jokes, but it does not give us the right to suppress each other at will. &nbsp. Everyone has an inverse scale. Your unconscious joke may have hit the point that the other person cares the most. &nbsp. The American anthropologist Edward Hall once said:&nbsp. There are four distances in the relationship between people: public distance, social distance, personal distance and intimate distance. &nbsp. Even if it is an intimacy, it is only a minimum distance, not without distance. &nbsp.It is the most basic etiquette not to cross the boundary rashly and not to violate the boundary of the other party. &nbsp.A few years ago, at an awards ceremony, Guo Degang, as the guest of awards, ridiculed Sha Yi and Hu Ke’s child Anji when presenting the award: “How do I think Anji is like me and Hu Ke’s child.” Sha Yi took over and said: “Some people have said that the second child is like Yue Yunpeng, and if the boss is like you, I can’t live.” Guo Degang continued: “It’s okay, this shows that your family is hospitable.” This is embarrassing enough, who ever thought , Guo Degang did not constrain. &nbsp. Later, Guo Degang accidentally awarded Anji’s award, He Jiong reminded: Anji’s award should be awarded by Sha Yi. &nbsp.At this time, Guo Degang took back the trophy from Anji, and said, “I thought it was awarded by my father.”&nbsp.He Jiong tried to ease the field.

Are there really only 0 and countless “derailments”? ! Scientific research has given proof!

Foreword: “Derailment” often becomes a “frequent visitor” on hot searches. While “eating melons”, many netizens can’t help but sigh “no longer believe in love”. The writer Mu Xin once said: In the past, cars were slow, only enough to love one person in his life. However, nowadays, the days of “one house, two people, three meals, four seasons” and the enduring love seem to be a luxury. Why is it so difficult to maintain loyalty in love? Some people say that there are only 0 and countless derailments. As long as there is one derailment, there will be countless times afterwards. Is this statement true? Why do people cheat? The truth of the derailment: only 0 and countless times Helen Fisher, an American biological anthropologist and senior researcher at the Kinsey Institute, once pointed out in his book “Why We Marry and Why Are We Unfaithful” that men and women all over the world Extramarital sex is very common. ① In the book “Kinsey Sexology Report” written by American biologist and sexologist Alfred Kinsey, it was pointed out in a sample of 6,427 men that more than one-third of their husbands had betrayed Wives; among the 6,972 married, divorced and widowed American women, 26% had sex outside of marriage before the age of 40. Even more unfortunately, research has proved that “there are only 0 and numerous derailments.” A study published in the American Journal of “Archives of Sexual Behavior” followed up and investigated the situation of 484 participants in the relationship between men and women. The researchers asked participants to report their “split” relationship, including “have sex with someone other than their partner” and “whether they suspect that their partner is unfaithful in a marriage relationship”. They found that they had ever had an infidelity in their relationship. People are 3 to 4 times more likely to cheat in the next relationship than others. And for those who know that their former partner has cheated themselves, their next partner is still twice as likely to cheat. Suspicion is difficult to eliminate, because those who doubt their first partner will be four times more likely to suspect that their partner will still cheat in subsequent relationships. Why do people cheat? The research team of Pan Suiming, the founder and honorary director of the Institute of Sexual Sociology of Renmin University of China, has conducted four consecutive nationwide random sampling surveys every 5 years since 2000 ② to investigate married/cohabiting people The proportion of people who have had an affair, the result shows: From 2000 to 2015, this proportion is rising rapidly. In 2000, the male derailment rate was 11.8%, which had doubled in 2015; the female derailment rate had also tripled in 15 years. Moreover, 40% of one-night stands exist in the circle of acquaintances, and the two sides will not cut off contact due to the one-night stand, and one-third of the people still have contact after passion. By 2015, about one out of every three husbands and 7.5 wives had cheated. In the field of biology, there is the famous “Coolidge effect”, that is, every male mammal will feel bored to a single heterosexual partner, but if it is a new heterosexual partner, the male animal will continue to show high sexual impulses. Scientists initially experimented with white mice. They put a male mouse and 4 or 5 female mice in estrus together, and the male mouse mates with several female mice until exhausted. Afterwards, no matter how the female rat touched and begged for joy, the male rat no longer responded. However, when the new female rat came in, the male rat immediately regained energy and regained energy to mate with the female rat. In the same way, human men experience a refractory period after sex, and cannot have sex with the same woman immediately, but if they face different women, their refractory period will shorten or even disappear completely. Some experts believe that this may be one of the main reasons why many people cheat.

Barrier version of intimacy with yourself

& Nbsp Author: Liu Yingya want to overcome obstacles to the heart? On the journey of life, even parking by the side of the road, thinking about how to overcome obstacles, including going to various classes, psychological classes, spiritual classes, intimacy classes, or to get involved with the person or thing that caused your inner obstacle , All kinds of efforts are struggling to overcome this obstacle. Then just like that, I’ve been stuck in obstacles. It’s been in obstacles like this. As long as you want to break, there will always be obstacles for you and guide you to all kinds of breaks, which are endless. Life is so long, if you don’t talk about being idle, you are also idle. At least he seemed to be serious and deep. Having said that, the obstacles do not actually need to be removed. What is to be swept away is your heart to overcome obstacles. That is your heart avoiding yourself. Obstacles don’t need to be swept away, don’t need to be overcome. What you have to do is to embrace this obstacle, to face this obstacle, and to look at this obstacle seriously. In fact, this obstacle is the fragile you that needs to be embraced and connected; The grievances or attacks expressed and unexpressed are just your demands and fragility and weakness. Through this barrier you can see that you who are overdrawn, want, haggard, or helpless. Because of your lack of attention, lack of your attention. The lack of attention you have to look for food in various garbage dumps to keep yourself alive. Again, those obstacles are just because of your lack, even overdraft, and helplessness. As for why you are scarce, overdrawn, and helpless. Generally speaking, you have lost contact with the brigade. There must be some incompleteness in your life. Those people or things you can’t or don’t want to accept, those people and things you don’t think are irrelevant. Whether you like it or not, those people and things are there. No increase, no decrease. Human life is all the pieces. As long as you reject a certain segment, you have to try to keep rejecting it, otherwise you will go against your will if you don’t reject it. This will consume you. Let you lack strength and energy. And keep turning in circles. The power that burst out because of rejection is just overdraft. The actions caused by these forces are only expressing emotions. If there are obstacles in your mind, harmony with the obstacles is also an intimate relationship with yourself. &nbsp. I am Liu Yingya, a psychological consultant. I use psychology to analyze love, marriage, family life and make intimate relationships a classroom for self-growth. Welcome to follow. Also welcome to set the stage. Liu Yingya: Master of Psychology, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor. A researcher on the emotional family of both sexes in marriage and love, a researcher on the growth of personal, physical and mental. More than ten years of psychology work, focusing on family relationships and personal growth. &nbsp.

Don’t worry if you’re “intimacy”, 4 things to pay attention to!

X life is a person’s normal physiological needs, just like eating and drinking. Appropriate intimacy can not only enhance the relationship between husband and wife, but also benefit the health of both parties. What are the benefits of husband and wife intimacy? During intimacy, our central nervous system releases a natural analgesic called endofibrin, which can make people feel happy and excited, and help negative emotions. Husband and wife intimacy can also relieve the disease to some extent. The excitement produced in the process of intimacy can make the body secrete more hormones such as adrenaline. These hormones have anti-allergic effects and can improve eczema. Intimacy can also improve or control allergic asthma, eczema, etc. This not only relieves psychological stress, but also enhances the secretion of prostaglandins that can lower blood pressure. What should you pay attention to when couples have intimacy? 1. Mature intimacy with contraceptive measures requires responsible and safe intimacy. If you have no plans to have children, you must not forget to prepare a condom. 2. Don’t eat too much. Many healthy foods, such as vegetables, beans and whole grains, may cause farts during intimacy. In order to avoid this “intimacy embarrassment”, it is best to avoid eating the above foods and other high-fiber foods two hours before intimacy. You can eat a small piece of chocolate before you have sex to increase serotonin levels and help improve mood. 3. Don’t drink too much. One glass of wine occasionally helps to improve mood, but excessive drinking will greatly reduce sexual satisfaction. According to the survey, 11% of alcohol drinkers complained of difficulty in orgasm. Compared with non-drinkers, men who drink alcohol are more likely to “finish things” earlier in the intimacy process. This is because alcohol inhibits the nervous system that is essential for sexual arousal and orgasm. 4. Wash the private parts thoroughly before getting warm. Dirt is often hidden between the male foreskin and the glans. If you don’t clean it thoroughly before having sex, it is easy to bring bacteria into the female vagina and cause gynecological inflammation. Female genitals have wrinkles and vaginal discharge, which are more likely to produce peculiar smells, so they must be carefully cleaned before having sex. At these times, couples are not suitable for intimacy: 1. During the period of physical discomfort, as long as one of the spouses is unwell or in the period of illness, the resistance of the person is relatively low at this time, which will not only reduce sexual sensitivity, but also affect the quality of X life. When you are intimate, you may also spread the disease to each other. Intimacy requires a lot of physical strength and energy. If one party is too tired, such as just returning from work, this is the time that is not suitable for living X life, and there will be safety risks. 2. Women who have just given birth can easily lead to problems such as uterine bleeding if women rush to make love after giving birth. Moreover, the female body has not fully recovered, and the sexual experience is not as good as before childbirth, which will easily cast a shadow on the future X life and affect the feelings of both husband and wife.

Do you want to keep the freshness in love and marriage?

Author: Liu Yingya woman asked how to keep it fresh with her husband? Managing intimacy well is love for each other. Maintaining “freshness” is an important thing in intimate relationships. However, when you are so deliberately aware of the lack of freshness in the relationship, or deliberately to maintain the freshness of the relationship in this way, it shows that you lack freshness in yourself and your own life experience lacks freshness. When people lack freshness, relationships naturally lack freshness. It’s not difficult to keep the relationship fresh, it’s good for people to keep it fresh. How to keep people fresh? Have your own life instead of staring at each other every day or being confined to the relationship between two people. Have your own life, and have fresh life content every day to maintain your own growth. The simplest thing is to have something you pursue and strive for, preferably a career. Metabolism every day. Can feel the fresh energy in you. There is fresh content exchange every day. There is another direction, that is, two people have the same goal to explore and work hard. Life is not about two meals in four seasons. My name is @心理咨询刘英雅. I use psychology to analyze love, marriage, family life, and make intimate relationships a classroom for self-growth. Welcome to follow. Also welcome to set the stage. Liu Yingya: Master of Psychology, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor. A researcher on the emotional family of both sexes in marriage and love, a researcher on personal, physical and mental growth, an emotional mentor on Baihe Marriage Network, and a corporate employee growth consultant. More than ten years of psychology work, focusing on family relationships and personal growth.

Single dogs should be careful: couples “love”, to avoid these 5 times!

For both husband and wife, proper intimacy is of great benefit to both physical and emotional needs. However, if you want to splash cold water today, if you do not avoid some minefields during the “bed exercise”, it will be self-defeating. If you are not interested in destruction, you may also have some adverse effects on your health. Let’s take a look at the specifics. Article! 1. Intimacy in early pregnancy? Can cause abortion. The pregnancy period is the implantation period of fertilized eggs before March. At this time, you need to be very careful. It is not recommended to be intimate between husband and wife at this time, because the implantation of the fertilized egg is not stable at this time. If it is intimate at this time, the implantation will be unstable, which will affect the normal development of the embryo. Seriously, it will also cause women to appear. abortion. 2. Intimacy during fatigue? Physical strength can not keep up with the fatigue referred to here refers to when the body is too tired, including both mental and physical aspects. Some people who stay up late or participate in heavy physical labor, when the body is too tired, the spirit and physical strength are not very good, which will affect the normal sexual function. At this time, if you are intimate, it will easily cause a very bad sex experience. Intimacy between husband and wife is itself a very exhausting thing, and reluctant to perform sexual intercourse under excessive fatigue is likely to bring some adverse effects on the body. 3. Intimacy during the menstrual period? Infection is not recommended for women during the menstrual period. Because the cervix is ​​wide open when the woman is in the menstrual period, if X life is carried out at this time, it is easy to bring some bacteria into the woman’s body, which will cause women to experience adverse menstrual symptoms. 4. Intimacy during satiety and hunger? Or affect function. When we have just eaten a full meal, the blood in our body will flow to the stomach and intestines, and the blood supply to the brain and other organs will be relatively inadequate, causing normal sexual function to be affected. When you are hungry, your physical strength will drop and you will not be energetic enough. If you go intimate at this time, you will not have enough physical strength and you will get a bad sex experience. Therefore, it is not recommended to act when full and hungry. 5. I’m sick and still affectionate? My partner also suffers. Some people have some organic diseases on their bodies. In this case, the doctor will tell you not to have sex. However, some people did not listen to the advice, and reluctantly went into sex. This approach is very wrong. If you have sex at this time, not only will you not get a good sex experience, but you will also be able to make your condition more and more serious and even infect your other half. The above are some taboos that you need to pay attention to when the couple is intimate. We must avoid these things. For your own health and good sex experience with the other half, you must not force yourself to have sex.

Intimacy in marriage

How is the intimate relationship between husband and wife established? The form is very simple and the process is very complicated. As the wedding ended, the marriage relationship was announced and intimacy was established. However, to maintain this intimacy, you need to share it with your partner in the marriage relationship, and always think of “us” instead of “you” and “me”. . If in marriage, you still behave as you did before marriage, regardless of the other party’s feelings, then you are only a married bachelor. So, how to achieve intimacy shared together? First of all, the couple must be sincere, and each can reveal their vulnerability to each other and trust each other. It can be said that the intimacy is like a concert. Any beautiful musical sound does not come from a musical instrument, but the coordination of different musical instruments. Intimacy in marriage, most people think that the most important thing is the physical union of the sexes. However, the fact I want to tell you now is that physical intimacy is based on emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy includes not only physical union, but also emotional union. When it comes to emotional intimacy, many couples may find it difficult to reach, because one or both of the partners refuse to take the initiative to open their hearts to their other half, so there are always many examples, so it is difficult to develop intimate relationships. On this point, Judson Sithhart once wrote that it is very unfortunate if marriage lacks emotional intimacy. Let’s take a look at the following paragraph: Some people, in order to avoid emotional setbacks, in order to avoid being hurt by the outside world, they will hide behind high walls like living in medieval castles, refusing to connect with others. Visitors are not welcome. However, a careful examination of the owner of the castle will reveal that in fact, they are very lonely in their hearts. A person guarding an empty castle and imprisoning himself is like a prisoner. They need to be loved, but the walls are too high to get in and out. From this passage, we can see that not everyone can easily show their fragility to others and be honest with others. Everyone has their own coat and guard. This line of defense is not easy to remove. Regarding the feelings of men and women, even if there is no obstacle between them, there will be differences in levels and degrees. Women tend to pay more attention to emotional intimacy, while men are more interested in physical intimacy. If both husband and wife want to establish an intimate relationship with their partner, they must learn to reconcile differences in emotional levels, understand and experience each other’s feelings. When it comes to intimacy, how many people really understand its meaning? Intimacy represents a very strong interpersonal relationship, which is a special kind of emotional closeness, including understanding and being understood by others. The “others” mentioned here are even more unusual. Intimacy is also defined as an emotional bond, which means caring for each other, being responsible for each other, trusting each other, and communicating candidly with each other. When there are huge emotional twists and turns, you will also talk to each other without reservation. It means daring to risk approaching others, allowing others to break into your world. In order to establish this kind of intimacy, we must dare to expose each other’s vulnerability, of course, we must also get a sense of security. This wonderful sense of security is also fully accepted from “The Art of Marriage”

Love Ta, everything you do must be good for Ta?

Author: Liu Yingya & nbsp & nbsp love Ta, everything must be done for the good TA. Hold this idea, then you are out. this way. Often it is-you can’t touch the sky, you can’t touch the ground, let alone Ta, but you touch yourself. When you have such an idea, it is actually in the period of psychological lactation. Still the kind of love my mom and dad love me, especially the kind of love my mom loves me. In the eyes of parents, you are a child, and they need to think about the good and the bad for you and do the things that are good for you. Mom loves me and does everything for me, she thinks good things. Mother’s love is such a mother, especially Chinese mothers. And your understanding of love comes from here, thinking that loving Ta will do everything good for Ta for Ta. Of course, you think so too: if Ta loves you, Ta will also do all the good for you. The former (doing something good for Ta for the other side) often brings the other side’s impatience unless the other side is also in the lactation period. But during breastfeeding, as an adult, you also have self-awareness, and you will definitely be annoying you, and you will also pick up fat and thin. If you do not do this well, you will not do enough. You may even feel that you have personally entered the personal realm. The latter (Ta loves me and does everything good for me), it is possible that you will often be sad and often find or think in pain: why the other party did not do what you expected the other party to do for you, not for you. Everyone drags forward or drags in this internal friction. That’s the waffles in the intimate relationship you usually see. For dad-style love too. Many dads always or instinctively have a sense of responsibility to teach and lead people. But the adult self-consciousness has an interest in teaching himself and leading himself. It’s called freedom, experience, self-awareness. Therefore, the use of dad-like love in intimate relationships is also very easy to “promote growth”, that is, fly out, fly by yourself, have your own sky. &nbsp. These relationships are all parent-child relationships. But there is no partnership, not partnership. This relationship does not establish true intimacy. The other party was “taken care of”, but was not valued, paid attention, and not seen. And these are the appeals of love for adults with self. What you call good for TA is what you think. Has the other party been loved? Not necessarily. Even if you do it right, the other party will feel less trusted ~ Ta himself can be less respected. This is a blow to Ta. Love Ta, everything you do must be good for Ta! If you still think this way, or if you are a mother, or a father, or your partner, if you still think this way, you can consider studying intimacy courses. I have got. &nbsp.&nbsp.&nbsp. Are there any gains after reading? Follow me and teach you to analyze the phenomenon and confusion of marriage and love with psychology to help you understand love and marriage. Liu Yingya: Master of Psychology, National Second-level Psychological Counsel, Marriage and Bisexual Emotional Family Researcher, Personal Body and Mind Growth Researcher, Lily Marriage and Love Network Emotion Instructor, Enterprise Staff Growth Consultant for more than ten years of psychological work, focusing on family marriage and love 3. Personal physical and spiritual growth. &nbsp.&nbsp.&nbsp.

Spiritual domestic violence suppresses vitality, including domestic violence

Author: Liu Yingya domestic violence is obviously the kind of hands-on, that domestic violence against the same human spirit. Domestic violence is also spiritual. Your will, opinions, feelings, etc. are often violently attacked, suppressed, squeezed, and ignored, and this also consumes human life energy. Every spiritual domestic violence hits this life itself. The marriageable age of a couple of girls. My father often keeps fit and is very strong, and he is also quite sturdy in his speech. Sitting there seems to be a version of Jiuding. The family’s financial conditions are ok, and the wife’s clothes are still bright, but her face is dry, and she has always been uncomfortable with her husband. Obviously this father’s presence is absolute, and this mother will not have a strong presence at home. The girl in this family adore her father very much. Follow your father’s wishes and suggestions. The girl looks pretty good on the surface. But I don’t believe that her motherhood will be enough, or that her female energy will be enough, or that she will be harmonious inside. In addition to the inner disharmony of the self, there will be some kind of aggressiveness outside. . I don’t believe she will be close to her children in the future. Because this family mother can’t stretch herself freely and healthily, in fact there is no place for her. The position she can have is also in the shadow of her husband’s authority. The relationship between parents and parents will be a very basic core within a person. In fact, this kind of spiritual domestic violence not only suppresses the vitality of the victim, but also the vitality of the child. It also suppresses the vitality of the victim. Intimacy requires mutual respect. Intimacy needs to be balanced. Intimate relationships are balanced, and the many things in the family have the potential for balance. The more capable of being yourself in the relationship, the more intimate the relationship, the more likely your relationship is balanced. WeChat public account (psychological consultant Liu Yingya), the same name WeChat (psyajfz)

Why are there always many demands on the other half?

My friend confessed to me yesterday, saying that his wife would always pick him up when he was okay, smoking, playing games, not dressing, etc … Every time I heard it was going to be annoying, I wanted to quarrel and was afraid of hurting my emotions, so I endured , Very tired, very tired … In many emotional relationships, such problems often occur: one party feels that the other half is imperfect, and makes many requests to the other party, even blaming the other party at some time, and the other party has been in demand and changed status. There is a saying in Intimacy: The real motivation behind starting and maintaining an intimacy relationship is actually demand. We will raise various dissatisfaction and demands on the other half, precisely because the behavior of the other half at this stage cannot meet our needs. When we started an intimate relationship, we all had the beautiful expectation that “ta can satisfy all my fantasies.” However, the fact is: as the interaction deepens, we will find that there are many aspects of ta that dissatisfy us. At this time, a series of demands, accusations and complaints arose … perfect love usually has three elements: commitment, passion and intimacy. This means that commitment is indispensable in emotional relationships. There will be some relationship commitment between partners. It is a subjective experience, including dependence on partners, the tendency to maintain relationships for a long time, and the willingness to continue relationships. In an emotional relationship, the more independent party, or the individual who is less dependent on the other party, usually occupies an active position. It is relatively easier for ta to give up this emotion, so the relationship commitment given by ta is generally also a low relationship commitment; On the contrary, the party that relies heavily on it will not easily give up his emotions, which also makes him motivated to maintain this emotion and accept the other half ’s request to be “forced to change”. As mentioned by my friend at the beginning, in the process of getting along with his wife, his wife has been in a state of dissatisfaction: today I hope my husband can improve his clothes and satisfy his vanity; Quit smoking; after a few days, I feel that my husband plays more games and needs more time to accompany myself … their marriage has been in the “request → change” cycle. Over time, my friend has become tired and tired … … how can we change this state? 1) Try to accept that the other party’s imperfections are not perfect in life. When choosing to start an intimate journey with one person, we should not only be ready to enjoy sweetness, but also need an inclusive heart to accept each other’s imperfections. 2) Learning to express and self-satisfaction Sometimes asking the other party to ask them to prove our value and confirm that we deserve to be loved is what we really need. Try to tell each other the real needs in your heart, rather than let the other party guess, otherwise you will be tired of each other. 3) The party that shows weakness and is forced to change will always bear a lot of pressure and grievances. Tell the other party about your pressure and your efforts, and tell you that you also need to understand and be loved. Occasionally showing weakness can increase your feelings and make the other person think she is needed. 4) The person who is required to improve self is often the one with lower power of intimacy, that is, you get more satisfaction from the other party, and the other party gets less satisfaction from you, which produces An imbalance. Therefore, the best way to break the imbalance is to strive to improve yourself from all aspects, so that you have more power to speak, which can bring more satisfaction and happiness to the other party. “Dissatisfaction” and “request” sounds terrible, but we can think about this issue differently: “request” itself is not a bad thing, “request” means that the other party hopes that this relationship can continue, and There is no lack of “requested” as a way to urge yourself to progress. As long as one side has more understanding and love when faced with demands, the other side has more talk and hard work, believing that “requests” will one day become “satisfaction”.

The strength in the intimate relationship will eventually hurt you

Author: Liu Yingya experienced human intimacy, intimacy may all know there is a power struggle. Some partners are strong in intimate relationships, saying nothing, not considering each other ’s feelings, thoughts, and needs. Seems to gain absolute authority in the relationship. That’s right, this approach may be quite effective for weaker partners. But this approach suppressed Ta’s own emotions and needs, and attacked Ta himself, making Ta’s vitality more and more consumed. Even if Ta did not end up suffering from this depressed depression, he attacked you and attacked the relationship. This kind of life state of Ta will affect you, you are connected with a decadent person who lacks vitality, and also affect your relationship. Maybe you can be more dashing and more ruthless, I can find another energetic person after Ta’s life is decadent, but the fact is that this Ta will always be a part of your life. “Love you is equal to love yourself.” For those who love each other, for those who are looking forward to staying together, nourishing each other’s life is equal to nourishing your own life. Consuming the other party’s life is also consuming your own life. WeChat public account (psychological consultant Liu Yingya), the same name WeChat (psyajfz)

How did she spend a night without a lover saying “Good night”?

Newly married. She is on a business trip. She said she was angry because her husband didn’t give her good night. She sent him good night and waited for him to come back, but it didn’t. Later, she thought if I would go to bed first, maybe he had something to do. Then I slept until one or two and looked at it again, still not. Endure not wanting to find something in the middle of the night. Just wake up several times in one night. Then the next day, open fire on the newlyweds. Is there any reason for this fire? Actually not. She is emotionally dependent on her husband and has expectations. This “good night” is expected. This expectation has not been answered. This expected mental energy will always be there, tossing her sleep, making her cranky. Until it is vented in some way. After all, women here used the methods of opening fire, getting angry, and arguing. In intimacy, it is important to learn to communicate and learn to manage intimacy. There is one sentence that is one of the secrets of managing intimate relationships, that is, “Everything responds, and every piece has its own way.” If you do this, you will be very stable in your own heart and your partner’s heart. WeChat public account (psychological consultant Liu Yingya), the same name WeChat (psyajfz)

Which women are doing private plastic surgery abroad?

Female intimate plastic surgery is called Sexual Plastic Surgery abroad, including austerity surgery, cosmetic plastic surgery, and sexy enhancement related items, which are currently popular among white-collar workers in Europe and America. DrJane Norton, a well-known doctor in the field in California, said that his main customers are bodybuilders, announcers, university lecturers and senior white-collar workers from major companies. Many women report that family life is more harmonious after surgery, and some even say that they have saved their marriages that are on the verge of breaking up. Of course, there is no lack of psychological effects. In the past, due to some physiological deficiencies, regrets or unfitness, it will lead to psychological rejection, rejection or resentment, which will lead to a crisis in the relationship between husband and wife. Through surgery, these physiological deficiencies or unfitness will be improved and it will also lead Psychological change in the good direction. Of course, in our country, such operations have become one of the fastest growing surgical operations in recent years. With the change of people’s ideas, female private plastic surgery is being accepted by more and more people. & nbsp.