Shame

01-Everyone has a sense of shame. Thomas Scheff, a sociologist at the University of California at Barbara, calls shame the “emotional main board that mediates the expression of various feelings.” He said: “Shame is the most difficult emotion to admit and release.” The philosopher Jean Paul Sartre described the psychological effects of shame in this way: “Sudden tremors started from the top of my head and stretched down to my feet, without any preparation for expression.” American psychotherapists White and Wiener believed, A strong sense of shame can cause individual self-fragmentation: “Self-fragmentation is the feeling of’I’m going to break down’ that everyone will experience at some point in life. It ranges from slight embarrassment to tormenting fear and Shame. (MarjorieTaggartWhite&amp.MarcellaBakurWeiner, p19)”. 02-From the four types of personality, “Shame” is deeply corroded by the individual’s inner world, making him feel empty, incompetent, and worthless. Traumas that are prone to shame and moving mainly stem from severe impairment of self-esteem. Kohut calls them “tragic people”, and “tragic people” include individuals of various personality types. The “paranoid” feels incompetent, humiliated, and humble, regards shame as a great threat, denies shame, or projects shame, and complacent. They use their mental energy to deal with people who want to humiliate them. “Emotional dependence” depressed people have long suffered from the sorrow caused by excessive shame. They have long been trapped in despair, desire, futility and despair. They feel that they are not worthy of love and care, and they always promote others and feel shameful. “Narcissistic” individuals also suffer from shame. Every vain and grandiose narcissist hides a shadow of shyness and cowardice in their hearts, and their inner world seems to be lost. They are very concerned about their own image in the eyes of others, and often feel that they are disgusting because of their misdemeanor. Irrational shame deeply troubles obsessive individuals. The compulsive behavior of “compulsive” individuals is mostly used to offset the shame caused by external evaluation. They pay more attention to what others think of themselves, rather than deliberately reaching their own internal standards of perfection. 03-Inappropriate parenting styles will inspire deep shame. Shame being improperly stimulated is perhaps the most memorable and unforgettable trauma. Under the immersion of shame culture (personal self-evaluation depends on external evaluation), many Chinese parents seem to have an absurd logic, that is, to belittle and humiliate their children so that he (she) feels strong shame, and then They also expect their children to “know their shame and be courageous” and work hard. The result is often counterproductive. Their mantra for reprimanding their children for poor grades is: “Look at the so-and-so of so-and-so family, it’s really a shame!”; their daughters are ordinary, but most of them warn: “You are not beautiful. If you don’t study seriously, who will Want you?”; When children steal and lie, they will often scold with enthusiasm and even corporal punishment, even if the guests are present… For many psychological counseling cases, one pair/one is successful in a secular sense, but also has a desire to control Strong parents will stimulate their children’s deep sense of shame with cynicism, accusations and reprimands as much as possible. Paranoid people have suffered severe self-efficacy during their childhood growth; most of them have repeatedly experienced suppression and humiliation (MacKinnon et al., 2006; Tomkins, 1963; Will, 1961). In the growing up of paranoid people, extremely harsh criticism, capricious punishment, relentless rebuke, and unpleasant parents are common. In the family of shame narcissists, traumatized parents often unknowingly make their children feel confused, vague, shame, and emptiness (Bergman, 1985; Fogelman, 1988; Fogelman &amp. Savran, 1979) . In the growth background of obsessives, parents set high standards of behavior in early childhood and expect their children to perform their duties. They have clear rewards and punishments. They appreciate the children’s good behavior, and severely criticize or ridicule the children’s poor behavior. In order to identify and cater to their parents, children have to strive for perfect performance and believe that only perfection can resist the humiliation of the outside world and gain a sense of security. 04-Four defenses against “shame” Shame can produce all kinds of lies, forming a protective shell to maintain